Lately, I’ve been able to measure my self-restraint on how long I can go without eating a spoonful of cookie butter. When the only thing separating me from it is a cabinet wall, it’s distracting to the point where it’s the only thing I can think about and if given enough time I can convince myself that it’s something I really need. I don’t know what mad scientist to give credit to, after punching in the face, for inventing such an indulgent spread. It is without a doubt, the MOST irresistible food I have come across in my life. Before cookie butter, it was things like waffles and cookies that I would have third and fourth and fifth helpings of long after my stomach was full. But now that I know these are the things cookie butter goes best on, I can’t help but have seven helpings.
Cookie butter has officially fucked the game up.