By Isabelle Duffy
Oh, period sex.
You have always been such a confusing subject for me. While the idea of semi swapping male and female roles in the bedroom and having a man have to endure MY bodily fluids this time round should be empowering there was something about it that always made me feel…. icky?
I’ve gotten so many different responses with partners over the years. From one ex who was disgusted with the idea and even said – while wincing and looking down at my body – “you have to promise that there isn’t a lot of blood” before trying to insert himself inside of me. Obviously, that made me feel incredibly UNsexy in that moment, like some bleeding disgusting behemoth with a “ Red Wedding” reenactment happening currently in her panties so things were shut down pretty quickly.
Then there have been a handful of men who have been down to clown, quickly grabbing a dark towel and ready to party till it’s dry. For them, the extra lubrication ( and possibly the taboo aspect of it) just added to the excitement, which definitely allows me to feel safe and sexy.
Even recently, after things were getting pretty hot and heavy I had to quickly inform a guy about the arts and crafts week at Panty Camp that was currently happening downstairs. As I was hastily and regretfully telling him, my head was spinning full of cool & chill ways to apologize for it:
“ I didn’t mean to lead you on, eugh this is sooo lame”
“ I know, it’s so unsexy. I’m so turned on right now too, this suuuucks.”
But before I could use one of my apologies, he just shrugged and said
“It’s all good. It’s just biology bro”
And we proceeded to do just a bunch of hand stuff. Still a good time.
While this was the first time anyone who’s ever been inside of me has called me bro, it’s not the first time I was completely unsure what kind of reaction I was going to get when bringing up the topic. Everyone has a different, usually STRONG, opinion on period sex. So I thought I’d share a few things I’ve learned in my time.
1. It’s always significantly less messy than you think
We all picture our vaginas during that time of the month looking like that iconic scene in The Shining. You know, this one.
I like to think of the twins as my ovaries.
Because I’m a professional googler, I learned that the average amount of blood that’s usually released during a period is 30-40ml. Which leads to an incredibly small amount being released a minute and unless you’re into hours and hours for your bang sessions (nightmare) it’s a pretty incremental and not a huge deal.
Feel free to use these fun facts in the bedroom – nothing gets a partner more ready to storm the trenches than a page from WebMD that you printed out in your spare time.
2. Shower sex is everything
I personally hadn’t ever been a huge fan of shower sex before period sex. Someone always ends up cold and shivering while the other person is getting a persistent stream of hot water in their eyes. Unless wearing goggles in the shower suddenly becomes sexy, I usually avoid it.
Though I got a sweet pair of these laying around so here’s hoping.
There’s never enough lubricant to get the job done – just some awkward fumbling, some wet make outs, followed by drying off and moving to the bed to just get it done right.
That is until I was introduced to period sex in the shower. I’ve always been someone who’s a little more self-conscious when it came to the amount of blood but the water just washes it right away while the blood provides a natural lubricant. Everybody wins! So bring your snorkeling mask and get ready to party.
3. 90 percent of the time it will just make your life better
If you’re like me, the week leading up to your period is full of tears and burritos. I’ve been told that my experience is not universal, but let’s roll with it and say it’s day of 3 of your cycle and you’ve got burrito belly. Classic.
You’re not really feeling your sexiest, you’ve got cramps, a migraine and just all around pretty bummed out. If you’ve got a partner who treats you right, period sex will usually improve most of those things. There have been a few studies about how orgasms can not only relieve cramps but also your migraines!
They cause the uterine muscle to contract and release a ton of sweet brain chemicals such as oxytocin which basically is like a natural pain reliever, bro.
This guy gets the importance of mutual orgasms. The guy on the right maybe gets it a little too much.
Plus having a partner worship and enjoy your body even when you’re not feeling 100 percent can definitely improve your mood and make you think a little bit less about the 4 burritos you had for dinner. Classic.
4. It tells you a lot about the person you’re about to sleep with
At the end of the day, having period sex just feels significantly more intimate than run of the mill sex. Being able to trust a partner to enough to not be freaked out by blood all over their nether regions is a big deal. There are almost zero depictions of periods in the media, let alone period sex so it’s one of those rare things that you have to define on your own. Hell, they can’t even show blood in commercials literally FOR PERIODS.
What white nonsense is this?!
For me, it’s always been a good testing point to see if I’m going to even be able to get along with this person. Whether period sex is your thing or not, shaming someone for having a menstrual cycle is just completely unacceptable and a total dealbreaker. Communication is everything, period. Hah.
It all, of course, comes down to your comfort levels and what makes you feel best. Like Rachel Bloom wisely states – “ Just think of it as mother nature’s juice cleanse”